I know what you’re thinking. ANOTHER post about being authentic in our messes?
I have to. This is an exercise in changing my mindset. I am perpetual perfectionist, and if I can’t actually BE perfect then I will often give the illusion of perfection. I don’t say it, but I also don’t ask for help. I enter relationships that are convenient. But this is all about to change.
This Wednesday night our home will be filled with an additional fourteen adults and three more infants. Our small group is convening for the first time post baby boom. We’ve debated about where to host this ever-growing crew and it became obvious that the Lord was asking us to open up our home this time.
Remember that part about the illusion of perfection?
This is what my kitchen currently looks like. I told my husband last night that even if someone came and babysat for two straight weeks I still couldn’t get to everything on my list. This is what I wrote in my journal this morning:
My list is too big. I feel overwhelmed. Any of these tasks alone would be enough to fill my days.
-Writing for other blogs … when I feel like my inspiration has vanished.
-Caring for a new baby
-Time in the Word
-Cooking and cleaning
-Growing my marriage
-More thank you notes
-My own blog
-Connecting with neighbors
-Investing in the community and our church
I need a workable plan/schedule. LORD I NEED YOU!
And after coming slightly unglued, I felt the Lord speak into the massive messy list. “You need me.”
I’m not sure why I thought I could do this, any of this, on my own. I didn’t notice the change. I was lifting up my concerns and requests to the Lord when one day I must have just started reaching up and taking a few of them back. “Oh, I’ll take that one. Don’t worry about this one. I’ve got it.”
I don’t got it.
I teeter on the edge of grace and mess each and every day. Here’s the real kicker- life was like this even before the addition of a baby! God is simply using this lifechange to remind me that I cannot do any of this on my own. Why would I want to?
I’m telling you and I’m telling me: stop taking the stuff back. He really wants to take it! This week I’m meditating, claiming, writing and memorizing these gems.
“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” (Psalm 37:2, NIV)
“From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2 NKJV)
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21, NIV)
Be encouraged. Share the mess.