Melodramatic

I’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.  My journals are covered with sketches, photos, and attempts at prose and poetry.  I recognize it’s not very good, but I keep at it.  I started consistently writing in my journal after reading Anne Frank in the 5th grade.  I was sure that if I ever died at a young age my journal would also be placed in paperback and shipped out to school children the world over.  Although not as important to history and literature as the Diary of Anne Frank, I was sure that my entries combined with sketches, photos, and poetry would make for a thrilling read.

My first entry dated 6/23/94 is an original poem entitled “Life” – I was 12 years old at the time.

Through storms of unkind words
We live without a light.
Past memories full of swords,
We balance with all our might.
Though society binds us down,
And values make us sick,
We set aside our frowns,
For together we must stick,
Or apart we will drown.

Apparently life was very hard in the suburbia of North Dallas.  I fittingly entitled my first journal as “My Link to the Past.”  Here’s a link to the 18th of July that same year.

Dearest Sonnet, (Don’t ask, I have no idea.)
Today we traveled from Trinidad to Euray, Colorado.  Euray is beautiful.  The mountain air is refreshing!  We saw a lot of beautiful scenery.  Tomorrow we aren’t going jeeping.  Instead, I have no clue as to what we are doing.  The town is so small and quaint. Last night I was burning hot.  Tonight I will be hot. Well, gotta get some sleep.  I’m extra tired.  By for now my sonnet, Ginger.  9:25pm

As I read through the many journals I have filled in the past 18 years, I can’t help but wonder why I continue to fill them, and why, even now, I am transposing them for others to read.  But perhaps the dream to be a part of a 5th grade reading list still remains.  Publish them now and one day children in classrooms will take tests on the trip I took to Colorado or my plight as Anne of Green Gables in love with the young man playing the role of Gilbert Blythe in the school play.

Maybe the world will never know… then again… maybe so.

Anyone else have some ridiculous fabulous entries written by their pre-teen selves? ;)

Happy Wednesday, Friends.

-Ginger

Sticks that Stick

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

That’s a joke, right?

I can’t imagine that anyone has escaped from this life without at least once feeling as though they didn’t fit in for one reason or another. I was one of those kids who wanted to be noticed. I wanted to present my projects first, to volunteer to read aloud, or to audition for the solo or concert.

But I was also a child (and teen) who was very insecure about how I was perceived by others.  It doesn’t take much for your confidence to be stripped away, does it?  I can vividly recall the words of the unkind boy at my grandmother’s swim club and the girl I overheard in passing at camp.

I remember the start of 4th grade as if it were yesterday. Our classroom was oddly located overlooking the school gym, making concentration next to impossible if any other class happened to make their way to P.E. during a test. The carpet was peach and we had windows that also faced the back parking lot and soccer fields. The room was on the second floor and had a long closet where we could hang our backpacks and lunch boxes or travel down to the computer lab at the other end of the hall. I can’t recall what I wore on the first day of school, but I vividly remember the boy in my class who walked up to me quite candidly and stated that “My dad said you got fat this summer.”

Not, “How was your summer?” or “I wonder what 4th grade will be like?” or even “I don’t know if I like Mrs. So-and-So already.”   It took my breath away.  For years I let this moment dictate how I felt about the way that I look.  I let one off-handed remark rob me of my confidence.

Look, I have no doubt that you’ve also had negative words spoken towards you at some point in your life.  They sting.  They can scar.  There’s nothing pleasant about the experience.  But rather than just accept the negativity and hide those thoughts in the back of our minds, I want to encourage us all to do some summer cleaning.

Check out 2nd Corinthians 10:4-5:

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

You caught that, right?  “WE TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY THOUGHT TO MAKE IT OBEDIENT TO CHRIST.”

I thought so.

Yesterday I was fighting a mental battle.  I was at the gym (good) thinking totally negative thoughts directed towards myself (not good) while I was trying to work out.  This time the scarring words were coming from ME, not the boy in 4th grade.  Rather than pointing those lies out for what they were, I wallowed in them.  I marinated myself in them until all I could see was unlovely things in my body.  Instead of demolishing the lies with strong weapons (The Word of God!), I chose to let the words take me captive.

I know it’s tough.  Negative thoughts and words can be everywhere you turn.  Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can take you captive and destroy you.  Choose to be the victor today.

I’m starting over, this time making Psalm 139:14 my battle cry… “I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.”

Following and still learning,
Ginger