My Anniversary Gift for Year Five: Marriage Counseling


This weekend my husband and I will celebrate our five year wedding anniversary. Just this past January, we began discussing about how we wanted to celebrate this milestone. We both value experiences and quality time over gifts, so we determined to take two trips sans kiddo. (We like to gift equal opportunities for babysitting to both sets of grandparents. It’s only fair.) But on top of two great experiences seeing different parts of the country, I also asked for a bonus gift. Marriage counseling.

When I shared my request at a recent speaking engagement, there were audible gasps in the room.

So I wanted to take a moment to explain why I believe one of the greatest gifts we could give our marriage is counseling. Unfortunately, counseling, especially marriage counseling, still carries a bit of a stigma for many people. Countless female friends and acquaintances have confessed to me that although they might like to visit a counselor, they didn’t think their husbands would consider counseling as an option. The reason? “There’s nothing that wrong with our marriage. I’m happy. Aren’t you happy? I don’t need to talk to a stranger to know I should love my wife.”

David and I committed to several sessions of marriage counseling because our marriage is good – really good – and we want it to continue that way. In the same way I see my doctor for yearly checkups or get the oil changed in my car, the goal is to do the work before any crisis arises.

If you told me that next year I would be expected to get in a boxing ring and go toe-to-toe with Laila Ali, I would be foolish to think my training could come in the middle of that match. You do the work outside of the ring so that you are skilled and equipped for the fight.

I asked for marriage counseling because I want to fight for our marriage, together.

The greatest threat to our marriage isn’t outside of our marriage. The greatest threat is in our marriage- it’s me and my sinful heart. It’s my husband and his flesh. I so appreciate the outside perspective provided by my counselor that helps us to see our blind spots both individually and as a team.

A personal trainer helps you to do the work that will shape your body and strengthen your muscles. A counselor helps us do the work to strengthen and shape our marriage.

Statistics scream that marriage is hard. My husband graciously accepted my request for counseling because we both want the same thing: a great marriage.


On a recent road trip we talked through some of the greatest marriage lessons we’ve gleaned through reading (Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage and Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas in particular), learning and counseling over the past five years. Here’s what what training has taught us:

Prepare for the fight before you get in the ring!

Invest in your marriage by strengthening your team: pursue each other, schedule date nights, develop your communication skills, seek out mentors, enlist a counselor for support. I have yet to regret time devoted to knowing my spouse in a greater way.

(Romantic) Love isn’t enough. 

David doesn’t complete me. He can’t complete me. To place my total purpose and satisfaction upon his shoulders would be crushing. David cannot read my mind. He will disappoint me. So giving love only when I feel the love, that’s going to lead to some lonely stretches of time. Instead this one goes back to our vows. We committed before God to be a picture of the gospel to the world. That’s our end game. That’s our firm foundation – we are both sinners in desperate need of a Savior, not each other. Even when I don’t feel loved in the way I might imagine for a particular moment, I am still called to lean in and love. Marriage is a daily choice.

“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.” Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Place your vows where you can see them.

Our first Christmas together I had our vows printed and framed with a shot from our wedding. The picture hangs outside our bedroom door and serves as a daily reminder that we go out into the world committed to each other before God. We are in this journey to help each other become our future glory-selves, and that takes daily vow renewal in our hearts.

“[Spiritual friendship] is eagerly helping one another know, serve, love, and resemble God in deeper and deeper ways.” Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Practice Patience.

Almost every little frustrating spat is a result of differing expectations. Take a deep breath, then proceed with the reminder that this other person is FOR you and not out to get you.

Communicate. (Kindly.)

Sometimes it’s not exactly what you say, but how you are conveying your message. We have two big rules in our marriage when it comes to our words: No silent treatment and no cussing at each other, EVER.

Release the need to justify yourself.

I’m sorry goes such a long way to mend hurting hearts.

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage



There are obviously countless more things to share, but this is what is fresh on our minds in a year with so many friends experiencing deep grief and challenges in marriage relationships. Marriage is hard, but it can also be such a blessing. That’s my hope and desire for this next year, that this journey together (no matter the minefields that await) would be so, so good because we are determined to walk this together.

“The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.” Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Happy 5th Anniversary, David.

I love you so. xoxo


*Wedding photos by Jane Zarzynski Photography

Live and Love

Friends, Texans, Countrymen –

I’m back after six crazy weeks on and off the road. I was blessed to cross the country and meet so many wonderful people. I found sweet hospitality in South Carolina, tender prayers in Texas, and authentic new friendships in Arizona. It has been one long and exciting journey. I am so thankful for the opportunity to do what I love for a living and then live with the ones I love when I return home. God’s calling on my heart gets me out the front door and these faces always bring me running back.



Leaving each time is both liberating and so very hard. I step away from my immediate friendships and relationships to go and make new friends. Every airport drop-off, every hug, every long-distance call; it’s just hard saying good-bye. But I’ve learned, more than anything, to simply love wherever I am. Whoever God places in front of me each day, that is who I’m called to love. When I’m home, it’s my joy and struggle to love my family, friends, and neighbors more than I love myself.

When I’m on a plane, in a car, at a campground, riding an elevator, speaking from the stage- wherever that may be, I’m called to love those individuals.

I don’t know where you find yourself today, but I know that right here and now, you have a purpose. Our purpose doesn’t change simply because it gets hard. Our purpose doesn’t change even when the days become long and stifling. Our purpose doesn’t change simply because we feel bored. Our purpose doesn’t shift with our feelings because the One who calls does not change.

You and I were made to live and obey and love and believe right here…

“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there…” 1 Corinthians 7:17, MSG

I’m looking to sharing more lessons from the road in the weeks to come. Thanks for your encouragement and patience through the writing desert.


Step #10. Give Love


I promise I’m not just stating the obvious when I tell you that giving love is an important part of tuning our hearts this season. I’m not talking about the sweater you ordered for your Mom or the cookies you are giving to your child’s teacher. I think our hearts allign with the Lord and are attuned to sing His grace when we give to others outside of our immediate family, and outside any expectations. So often we write a check for charity out of a surplus, but I want to challenge us all (myself included) to really ask and pray about how you can share this Christmas. How can we love the stranger, the difficult neighbor, and even the rude driver in the parking lot.

I know that more often than not, entitlement keeps me from loving more freely. “She was SO RUDE. I would be nice, but only if someone respects me first.” “I don’t have time to hold the door open.” “No one else is slowing down, I’m just going with the flow of traffic.

I think entitlement is sometimes hard to recognize because it’s so ingrained in our culture. The American Dream says if we work hard we deserve a big pay-off. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It sounds like the making of success. But I not only demand and deserve success, I also deserve to be right (as the customer), to be heard (as a citizen), and to be happy. So you can imagine my relief when I discovered Acts 20:35 (NCV) which says:

“I showed you in all things that you should work as I did and reap the blessings of your labor. I taught you to remember the words Jesus said: ‘You deserve to succeed and be happy.’”

Except that isn’t what the verse says at all.

“I showed you in all things that you should work as I did and help the weak. I taught you to remember the words Jesus said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “ Acts 20:35, NCV

give loveStep #10. Give Love

Jesus tells us that we are more blessed when we give love than when we expect love.  This isn’t just a nice sentiment to quote to children when they are consumed by the wants of Christmas.  He’s stating a fact.  We will be blessed [divinely or supremely favored; fortunate… blissfully happy or contented] when we stop seeking self and begin to seek the Lord and His desires.

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” Proverbs 8:17, NIV

The real truth is that you and I don’t deserve anything. But thanks be to God who has not withheld His love from us. When we focus our source, direction, and identity in Him who is love, we will slowly begin to leave the demand for self behind.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-40, NIV

“Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.”



To catch up on the rest of the series:

Tune My Heart

Step #1. Demonstrate Gratitude

Step #2. Today’s Manna

Step #3. Limit Distractions

Step #4. Rest

Step #5. Listen for the Echoes

Step #6. Practice Prayer

Step. #7. Give Grace

Step. #8. Prepare Him Room

Step. #9. Set Your Hope.

Love Is.

Love is a post-it note in a lunchbox.
Love is patience with slow drivers and cashiers.
Love is warm food on a cold day.
Love is returning your grocery cart.
Love is retrieving the piece of trash in the middle of the park.
Love is doing the dishes… again.
Love of others isn’t very fashionable.
Love is often lived more than it is spoken.
Love is given, not guilted.
Love is a choice.
Love often comes without flowers.
Love is thankful.
Love does not only take the form of chocolate and balloons.
Love is a gift.
Love does not always appear in handwritten love notes.
Love is felt… and seen… and given as we live our lives.
Love is HIM.
Love is here.
Love is today… but love is also tomorrow… and every day that comes after.
“Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it — not with ink, but with God’s living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives…” 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 (The Message)
“…No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. 
Love never dies.
Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. 1 Corinthians 13:3-10 (msg)
We are loved. Happy Valentine’s Day.Following,

Martha, Martha


As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42, NIV

I’ve always felt like a Martha, and because of that, books that praise Mary in their titles have left me feeling defensive. “Couldn’t Mary have helped her sister and then they BOTH could have sat and listened together?”

When I read this story my heart goes out to Martha. Perhaps, like me, she was addicted to the approval of others, and relished the praise received from authority figures. I watch as an honored guest and friend graced her home and understand why she wants everything to be perfect: clean, inviting, pristine, lovely, filling, tasty… these are her synonyms for hospitality.

And yet, Jesus responds to her request (which was quite possibly passive aggressive, if not at least frustrated) with the following:

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The Martha inside of me is crushed. I’ve been corrected in front of my sister and told I’ve chosen incorrectly. Obviously if Mary has chosen what is better, I’ve chosen wrong. And that’s the very word I am deathly afraid to hear: WRONG.

If I’m honest with myself I know that my greatest desire is to hear Him say, “Ginger has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” I need the affirmation and approval, I’m addicted.

But by focusing in on better or wrong, I have missed His point completely.

Hospitality within your home and heart should not leave you upset and worried about many things. There has been one purpose, one goal all along. Sh’ma: Love God. Love Others.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:34-40, NIV

Jesus desired for Martha to rest in His presence rather than worry about ironing napkins. He desires for me to rest in Him rather than stressing about menus and seating. In that instance I make hospitality about me, rather than my guest.

During my trip to Israel last spring, we had the unique opportunity to witness hospitality in the middle of a desert. We walked a great distance down a long dirt road, not really knowing where our final destination might be.


As we approached a small cluster of homes, our group of fifty Americans was greeted by scores of children who led us to the Matriarch of their large family. We were welcomed by the Bedouins and encouraged to sit in an open air shelter upon scores of rugs. The family received us and shared cups of hot tea and prepared bread on a fire before us. They fed fifty strangers. I didn’t witness scrambling or arguing from the women serving us. The smiles on their faces were constant. They appeared honored to receive us rather than imposed upon by our presence. We left considering how willingly we open our homes and hearts.


My fear of getting it “wrong” often keeps me from the one thing that is needed… but I don’t intend to stay that way. My hope is to move toward an open door and open heart policy.

Following and learning,

A Change of Perspective


It shouldn’t have bothered me. I was calling my doctor’s office to see if I could schedule a follow-up appointment… to an appointment I haven’t had yet. I wanted to get it set on the calendar ahead of time since the schedule is filling up so quickly. Perhaps it was my hesitancy over the phone, but the scheduling department woman pounced. I was breaking the rules. I could not make that second appointment yet. I would have to wait. And then I just started crying. I couldn’t control it, and the harder I tried to keep it in the more tears that fell down my face and cracked my voice. I heard a hint of compassion in her voice as she told me she would let me leave a message for my doctor’s medical assistant, but then she also followed up with strict instructions, “be BRIEF.” I’m breathed in and out as I waited to leave my message. By the time I stated my case I decided to wrap up with, “I’m so sorry if I’ve taken up too much of your time… and my phone number is…” and I just lost it. I’ll be really impressed if she can even understand my phone number.

And that’s when the full on sobs took over. Suddenly every possible situation that I could worry about, despair over, fear- they all overtook me. “I don’t like breaking the rules. It’s too much. I have too much. Too many people. Too many relationships. Too many things to think and worry about. I will never finish this book.”

To get the full effect you should imagine each of those phrases cloaked in heaves and sobs. Just picture a 4 year-old who needs a nap. I felt as though I couldn’t pull my emotions back around, and my recent hurts were about to take me back to bed so I could cry myself to sleep.



But I didn’t. Instead I opened up an e-mail from my dear friend and finally opened up the link to her latest blog post. Tanuja has a heart the size of New York and she has spent just about every weekend since Superstorm Sandy hit the east coast volunteering her time and labor to restore homes and life for those communities. As I read the paragraphs my tears just stopped. I felt my heart making a major u-turn.


The surest way to change emotions is a shift in perspective.


I could spend all day nursing my doubts and worry, or I could remember the joy that comes from loving others. As Tanuja reminds me, there are so many opportunities to love.

Rather than letting my volunteer opportunities and relationships overwhelm me, today I am choosing to see each of those as opportunities to love those individuals uniquely placed in my life. Each face is an opportunity to love.

Sometimes all we need is a shift in heart perspective.

“It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom.” Galatians 5:13-15a, The Message

Following and learning,

Grace for the World

Have you ever eaten a bad piece of fruit… a rotten or mealy apple? It’s disgusting and sometimes one bad grape is enough to keep me from eating any more from that clump. Fuzz on blackberries makes me want to gag. Can also I just stop and say that canned fruits and veggies aren’t overly appetizing? Anyone agree? Who knew peas could actually be spring green rather than puke green? I’m getting off track. Apologies.

I spent my summers during college working at Pine Cove Christian Camps. After 6 days of exhausting and fulfilling work I would stay with my grandparents for less than 24 hours before starting it all back up again. 12 weeks straight. My grandmother had a fridge full of food – but I was usually only ever tempted by one thing – the fresh fruit. I would practically eat a meal of the chilled fruit before finishing it off with a small glass of freshly frozen peaches. When fruit is good you can’t keep me away from it.

Jesus loved to teach in metaphor and parables. A consistent theme throughout the New Testament is the use of fruit to represent our labor and love.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing… When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father…You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:5, 8, 16-17 (NLT)

You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. (Matthew 7:16-17, NLT)

Followers of Jesus and fruit (LOVE) are to be synonymous. Jesus said we are identified by our fruit… and that fruit is our love… and yet… Christians today are known more for what they dislike rather than what they love.

How you and I respond to culture is eternally significant.

So what does good fruit look like in our lives? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” (Galatians 5:22-23,NIV)

Good fruit is attractive. It’s not hateful or hurtful. Good fruit is full of grace.

So as we enter into the final weeks of the election season, let’s pray that our conversations, posts, and e-mails would be full of grace. May our fruit be evident to all.

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…” (1 Peter 3:15, NIV)

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” (1Corinthians 13:13, NLT)


A GRACEFUL GIVEAWAY! Two copies of “Graceful” the book by Emily Freeman are up for grabs this week. Follow this link for details and entry form!

“And so we have some important choices to make. Every day, a direction. Every minute, a decision about what we will believe. Are you going to keep trying hard to be good on your own? Or will you dare to believe that you are graceful in Christ, marked forever by his divine favor?” (Emily P. Freeman, Graceful)

Friday Finds: Loving this Video

You’ve seen this video, right?

I think it’s not only a beautiful picture of marriage, but it also demonstrates sacrificial love in a radically inspiring way.

This Friday let love move you to tears, and to doing…

My children, our love should not be only words or talk. Our love must be true love. And we should show that love by what we do. 1 John 3:18

Happy Weekend,

Love as a Vow

David and I were married on October 17, 2010. We planned and prepped and dreamed of the day for months. We decided, somewhere along the way, that we wanted to have both our own personally written vows and some traditional vows recited in our ceremony.

I spent an evening alone thinking about what I desired to communicate to my husband and the people who were witnessing our vows. I wanted to acknowledge that my promise was about more than simply having fun together or loving each other when things are easy. I’d witnessed too many relationships struggle, too many marriages end, and too many indestructible relationships break down after years of what seemed like perfection. We had been challenged that marriage wasn’t for our happiness but for our holiness and that rings weren’t an accessory, but a reminder. And so I set out to explain why I knew David was “The One.”

I always wanted to know how married couples knew that this was IT. Was it just a desperate physical desire? Was it a long-term slow warming? Was it burning hatred turned into passionate love like Beatrice and Benedict (Much Ado About Nothing) or Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? (Part of me really wanted it to be that!) Was it a voice inside my head that whispered, “This is the man you are going to marry”? (I also really wanted it to be this one too.) Or was it something else?

My husband received the title of THE ONE, when He was the one I said “I love you” to and the one that I said “yes” to. I prayed all along that God would end things if I wasn’t listening to His voice closely enough. But I feel like we enjoyed each other, pushed each other to fall in love with the Lord, and challenged each other to be the best versions of ourselves. My relationship with David never called for any sort of personality or moral compromise – instead David encouraged me to not change myself for him.

And so I decided that this one was THE ONE when I could wholeheartedly promise to seek HIS best for the rest of my life.

“In making this vow today,
I declare-
I know-
that you are THE ONE.
You receive that title not because of storybook romance,
I know that you are THE ONE because you are the one man
in the whole world to whom I CHOOSE to make this promise.”

I said those very words, made some promises to my one… and then suddenly it was official. The words were spoken, the rings exchanged, and then the next adventure of actually living out the vow began with a joyful party.

“Love is a commitment of my will to seek your best for the rest of my life.” –Lynelle Zandstra

Love is an active choice… day in and day out.

Learning to love,

Love Like That

I stumbled onto the topic of loving others this week because I feel like I’m doing a pretty poor job of it in my own life.

I wrote in my prayer journal just last week LOVE THESE PEOPLE. And then I proceeded to list about 50 names of people all over the country with whom I have established relationships. (Meaning more than just Facebook.) Some I’ve met only once, some I’ve known my entire life, but regardless, they are names that I should be more active in pursuing.

I know relationships are seasonal, that some of them can be picked up right where they are left off, and that some even thrive without much communication. But I also know that loving people takes more than just thinking nice thoughts about them and putting their names on your prayer list.

I feel guilty. I feel like I pull inward more and more with each passing day. I seek out things I enjoy and that make me comfortable. But I’m not calling, writing, and actively loving the people God has placed in my life. I want to love my neighbors, church friends, girlfriends, blog friends, high school friends, college friends, new friends, Cambodian refugee friends, old colleagues, family friends, family, teens, mentors, mentees… you get the idea.

So to combat my frustration I went on a communication flurry this past weekend. I left phone messages, sent texts, and started creating elaborate e-mails in my mind. I bought a few cards and put them in the mail. But I didn’t actually get to connect with anyone over the phone. We didn’t make it to dinner with friends on Friday or Saturday. I felt like a failure… but I also just felt tired.

Relationships require effort. And I think I often choose easy rather than effort.

And now I sit with a blinking cursor trying to come up with a way to encourage you to love your friends, families, and neighbors. But how do I talk about something when I fail miserably at that very something myself?

After the giant list of names in my journal I made a box on the page and wrote two sentences.



I don’t really have much to offer from my side of things. My own wisdom is pretty futile. My side of a conversation is usually selfish. My best efforts fall short of the example set for me. My strength isn’t enough.

But if I do things out of His strength… if I seek to love out of the love that first loved me, and I speak the truth in love, and I pray earnestly, and ask questions, and just care… it’s a start.

I have to remember that just because I fail at something today doesn’t mean I can’t improve tomorrow. Hopefully this wake-up call will serve to re-energize my love for others – those I know and those I haven’t yet met.

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” – Ephesians 5:1-2 (MSG)

 I want to love like that.

Still Learning,