Ginger Ciminello > Marriage

Timing

October 17, 2012 by 6 Comments

His timing, His purposes, His wisdom…

In July of 2009 I turned down an amazing job at one of my favorite places on earth that would have subsequently taken me back to Texas. I was convinced that God had me in the desert to see things through. I started my job in the youth department, jumped back on stage in a local theatre production, began planning for an in-house girl’s conference, and made preparations to travel to Mozambique with the church. I felt like God had showered opportunity and blessing in spades! But mountain tops tend to come with their fair share of valleys. The end of September found me discouraged, opportunities removed, and with loneliness entering the picture in a very real and palpable way.

10-1-2009 | Journal Entry

I feel like I’ve become an emotional mess. I see myself not able to take any of the advice and wisdom I give to others. I am no more able to take every thought captive than I am to keep from crying when someone asks me how I’m doing. I am giving far too much weight to the opinions of others. I am not clinging to Him alone. I lay on my bed and wept several times last night. The only thing that could stop my crying was to read Psalms aloud at full force through the tears. I am fighting loneliness, I am fighting self-deprecation, I am fighting… and

I feel like I am losing.

I shared as much with a few near and dear ones who came to my side and poured gentle truth onto my searing wounds. A friend wrote me a long letter and I copied these few sentences and pasted them into my journal…

Do you trust him? Do you really believe that what he has is better, even if it significantly harder and costs you more?  

A few days later my mother forwarded this devotional to encourage my heart…

Before the Flood, God had said, “Come into the ark” (Gen. 7:1, NKJV). The clear implication was that God was already inside, inviting Noah to join Him there. After the Flood, when God said, “Come out of the ark” (Gen. 8:16, NIV), the implication is that He had left and was asking Noah to follow. The great God of the Exodus Who led His people out of bondage to slavery in Egypt, parting the Red Sea to allow them to pass on dry ground and so escape the armies of Pharaoh – that same great God led Noah, his wife, his sons, his sons’ wives, and all the animals out of the ark!

God’s greatness has not been diluted in any way over the years of time. He is just as great today as He has been in the past. So why do you think He cannot lead you out of trouble? Why would you think He cannot lead your entire life so that you find peace and fulfillment? Why do you think He is unable to lead your children in the right direction that will be pleasing to Him and good for them? God is great! (Anne Graham Lotz)

And I began to cling to hope.

10-15-2009 | Journal Entry

What do I know to be true?

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. (Psalm 33:18-22, NIV)

You watch, your eyes are on those who fear you. Your love is unfailing. You deliver from death. You keep those who hope in you alive during famine. You are my shield and my help. You cause my heart to rejoice. We wait in hope for you. Your name is holy. Your love rests upon us. I put my hope in you.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

You are CLOSE to me and you save me even in my broken spirit.

On November 2, 2009 I met the man who is now my husband. The journal entries from November are filled with excitement and joy; a far cry from the hurts of September and October. I watched the Lord stand as my shield and help during some of my saddest moments, and I watched wide-eyed as He brought me to a place of abundance.

Today we celebrate our 2nd anniversary. I look back on the heartaches of 2009 and am so thankful for the love and support from friends and family who encouraged me to never stop seeking and trusting. I wanted adventure, direction, and healing in MY timing and within MY parameters. When I was willing to release my grasp and trust His lead, I could slowly glimpse the unexpected and beautiful story He was telling… in His perfect timing.

 ”In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Amen.

Following and celebrating,
Ginger

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Relationships Tagged With: , , ,

Love as a Vow

May 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

David and I were married on October 17, 2010. We planned and prepped and dreamed of the day for months. We decided, somewhere along the way, that we wanted to have both our own personally written vows and some traditional vows recited in our ceremony.

I spent an evening alone thinking about what I desired to communicate to my husband and the people who were witnessing our vows. I wanted to acknowledge that my promise was about more than simply having fun together or loving each other when things are easy. I’d witnessed too many relationships struggle, too many marriages end, and too many indestructible relationships break down after years of what seemed like perfection. We had been challenged that marriage wasn’t for our happiness but for our holiness and that rings weren’t an accessory, but a reminder. And so I set out to explain why I knew David was “The One.”

I always wanted to know how married couples knew that this was IT. Was it just a desperate physical desire? Was it a long-term slow warming? Was it burning hatred turned into passionate love like Beatrice and Benedict (Much Ado About Nothing) or Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? (Part of me really wanted it to be that!) Was it a voice inside my head that whispered, “This is the man you are going to marry”? (I also really wanted it to be this one too.) Or was it something else?

My husband received the title of THE ONE, when He was the one I said “I love you” to and the one that I said “yes” to. I prayed all along that God would end things if I wasn’t listening to His voice closely enough. But I feel like we enjoyed each other, pushed each other to fall in love with the Lord, and challenged each other to be the best versions of ourselves. My relationship with David never called for any sort of personality or moral compromise – instead David encouraged me to not change myself for him.

And so I decided that this one was THE ONE when I could wholeheartedly promise to seek HIS best for the rest of my life.

“In making this vow today,
I declare-
I know-
that you are THE ONE.
You receive that title not because of storybook romance,
I know that you are THE ONE because you are the one man
in the whole world to whom I CHOOSE to make this promise.”

I said those very words, made some promises to my one… and then suddenly it was official. The words were spoken, the rings exchanged, and then the next adventure of actually living out the vow began with a joyful party.

“Love is a commitment of my will to seek your best for the rest of my life.” –Lynelle Zandstra

Love is an active choice… day in and day out.

Learning to love,
Ginger

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Relationships Tagged With: , , ,

One Year In

October 18, 2011 by 2 Comments

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Aside from “How are you?”- the most frequent question I’ve been asked this year is “How’s married life?”

Short answer: it’s really good.

Long answer: I’m learning a lot.  I’m learning tons about myself, about my husband, and about my Heavenly Father.

Prior to marriage I had spent almost four years living by myself.  It would have been an adjustment sharing a space with anyone, much less a guy.

I’m trying to take the time to remember what this year has taught me.  I tend to do this at the end of every journal as well as at the start of a transition or the conclusion of a year.  I make a giant list.

GIANT LIST OF WHAT I’VE LEARNED DURING ONE YEAR OF MARRIAGE:

1. Loving someone isn’t a sentiment.  It’s a daily choice.  It is a repeated action.  In the first few months of marriage I found myself withholding love and affection at my most selfish points.  Imagine this:  I wake up on a Saturday morning excited to spend the morning making breakfast, enjoying the open windows, and just being.  Someone else (who will remain nameless) wakes up with a list of chores and activities to accomplish immediately.  An hour later I’m dirty and sweaty from rearranging the garage and finding myself close to tears because this isn’t my idea of being together.  My attitude is awful and my responses are short.  I knew I was in the wrong.  I hadn’t expressed my desire for what I wanted to do that morning, I was simply expecting my husband to figure it out by osmosis, I suppose.  I walked inside for a moment, took a deep breath, said a prayer that God would teach me how to love, and actively redirected the course of my attitude for the rest of the day.  When I stopped thinking about how I wasn’t feeling “loved” by the Saturday activity and started purposely loving my husband, I found myself thoroughly enjoying our time together.  I have a lot to learn in this area.

2. GRACE!  Rather than assuming the worst, I’ve learned to assume the best about my spouse.  This was a huge light-bulb moment for all of my friendships and relationships.  Just because someone doesn’t behave or respond the way that I think they should doesn’t mean they don’t love or care about me.  I have yet to benefit in the long run by getting all huffy and bothered.  Giving a strong dose of grace to a situation can do wonders in keeping a small thing like giving me advice on how to brown onions from exploding into, “YOU DON’T THINK I CAN COOK?”  Simmer down there, Chef.

3. I’m so much more emotional than I even thought possible.  I had this picture in my head that I was this strong, independent woman who moved to the desert all by her bad self.  I can’t tell you how many times my husband has found me crying this year.  8 times out of 10 I’m usually tired, overwhelmed, or my feelings have been hurt.  There.  I said it.  The other two times I really do have NO IDEA WHY I AM CRYING.  We’ve worked out a system where I can’t use “I don’t know why I’m crying” and not mean it.  I’m coming to terms with my tears.

4. People give and receive love in different ways.  This shouldn’t have surprised me.  I’ve spent time studying the Five Love Languages.  We’ve each talked about our love languages.  But this is where grace comes into play yet again.  (Catching that theme?)  I will have a really unhappy marriage if I decided that I ONLY receive love through written words of affirmation.  When we were dating I was in anguish over this.  I sent e-mails, texts, and even snail mail all the time.  What I failed to realize was that D didn’t have a work schedule that allowed for him to even read everything that I was sending his way, much less respond to everything that I was sending.  I had to stop and think of the HUNDREDS of other ways that he shows love and care.  I also have to keep myself from only showing love through written words.  Learning another language was more challenging than I expected – but totally worth it.

5. Prayer is powerful.  (Big surprise?)  Praying together is something I treasure.  I’m thankful for tearful and joyful moments speaking together with our Father.  But I’ll be honest, it doesn’t happen every day.  But that doesn’t mean that I stop praying for us and for him when we aren’t together.  Praying FOR my husband is precious and something that I don’t want to ever take for granted.

6. My favorite moments from this year have involved EXPERIENCES rather than buying things or receiving gifts.  I hope this never changes.  As much as I would like a bathroom door or grass in our backyard, I wouldn’t trade Saturdays of rollerblading together or mornings making breakfast together for all the bathroom makeovers in the world.

7. I expected to enjoy parts of this year, but I was also wary of the many comments that came with the first year of marriage.  “The first year is the hardest.”  Maybe.  But it’s not going to be the rule for every marriage.  If this was the hardest year of marriage then I can’t wait for the rest.  I love spending time with my husband.  In the words of the illustrious Jack Johnson, “It’s always better when we’re together.”

Ok.  That’s enough for today.  I promise this isn’t becoming a marriage blog.  I’m just continuing to share what God is teaching me through all of the arenas of life.  Come back tomorrow for more thoughts on what this date-less girl learned from her longest dating relationship.

Following,
Ginger

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Relationships Tagged With: ,

Baggage Check

August 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment

V’s question about practical advice prior to marriage led me to remember all of the hurdles that I needed to overcome personally before I could consider uniting myself with someone else.  Here’s a quote from Neil Clark Warren:  “Get yourself healthy before you get yourself married. Too often we bring our unexamined selves into our marriage relationship.“

As you prepare for a lifetime commitment, it’s so important to come to a place where you are at peace with your own past.  Here’s what I mean…

Baggage from Ginger Ciminello on Vimeo.

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

The Bible takes it a step further and says, “Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith. Don’t drift along taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups… We don’t just put up with our limitations; we celebrate them, and then go on to celebrate every strength, every triumph of the truth in you. We pray hard that it will all come together in your lives.” (2 Corinthians 13:5-9, The Message)

I can’t say that self-examination is going to be overly enjoyable, but I do think it’s necessary in order to prepare for (and participate in) a healthy and loving relationship.

What do you think?

Following,
Ginger

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Questions, Relationships Tagged With: , , ,