Speaker. Writer. Storyteller.
You’ve seen this video, right?
I think it’s not only a beautiful picture of marriage, but it also demonstrates sacrificial love in a radically inspiring way.
This Friday let love move you to tears, and to doing…
My children, our love should not be only words or talk. Our love must be true love. And we should show that love by what we do. 1 John 3:18
Happy Weekend,
Ginger
We’ve been talking about love from every angle this weekd and I wanted to be sure and include some practical advice.
Q: How can I love my neighbor or my list of 50 friends?
A: Rather than just thinking, “I should love that person”- try DOING something! Send one note a day handrwitten cards or letters, even texts or e-mails will suffice!
Here’s what I mean in today’s retro Thursday Tip:
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Spread the love,
Ginger
David and I were married on October 17, 2010. We planned and prepped and dreamed of the day for months. We decided, somewhere along the way, that we wanted to have both our own personally written vows and some traditional vows recited in our ceremony.
I spent an evening alone thinking about what I desired to communicate to my husband and the people who were witnessing our vows. I wanted to acknowledge that my promise was about more than simply having fun together or loving each other when things are easy. I’d witnessed too many relationships struggle, too many marriages end, and too many indestructible relationships break down after years of what seemed like perfection. We had been challenged that marriage wasn’t for our happiness but for our holiness and that rings weren’t an accessory, but a reminder. And so I set out to explain why I knew David was “The One.”
I always wanted to know how married couples knew that this was IT. Was it just a desperate physical desire? Was it a long-term slow warming? Was it burning hatred turned into passionate love like Beatrice and Benedict (Much Ado About Nothing) or Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? (Part of me really wanted it to be that!) Was it a voice inside my head that whispered, “This is the man you are going to marry”? (I also really wanted it to be this one too.) Or was it something else?
My husband received the title of THE ONE, when He was the one I said “I love you” to and the one that I said “yes” to. I prayed all along that God would end things if I wasn’t listening to His voice closely enough. But I feel like we enjoyed each other, pushed each other to fall in love with the Lord, and challenged each other to be the best versions of ourselves. My relationship with David never called for any sort of personality or moral compromise – instead David encouraged me to not change myself for him.
And so I decided that this one was THE ONE when I could wholeheartedly promise to seek HIS best for the rest of my life.
“In making this vow today,
I declare-
I know-
that you are THE ONE.
You receive that title not because of storybook romance,
I know that you are THE ONE because you are the one man
in the whole world to whom I CHOOSE to make this promise.”
I said those very words, made some promises to my one… and then suddenly it was official. The words were spoken, the rings exchanged, and then the next adventure of actually living out the vow began with a joyful party.
“Love is a commitment of my will to seek your best for the rest of my life.” –Lynelle Zandstra
Love is an active choice… day in and day out.
Learning to love,
Ginger
I stumbled onto the topic of loving others this week because I feel like I’m doing a pretty poor job of it in my own life.
I wrote in my prayer journal just last week LOVE THESE PEOPLE. And then I proceeded to list about 50 names of people all over the country with whom I have established relationships. (Meaning more than just Facebook.) Some I’ve met only once, some I’ve known my entire life, but regardless, they are names that I should be more active in pursuing.
I know relationships are seasonal, that some of them can be picked up right where they are left off, and that some even thrive without much communication. But I also know that loving people takes more than just thinking nice thoughts about them and putting their names on your prayer list.
I feel guilty. I feel like I pull inward more and more with each passing day. I seek out things I enjoy and that make me comfortable. But I’m not calling, writing, and actively loving the people God has placed in my life. I want to love my neighbors, church friends, girlfriends, blog friends, high school friends, college friends, new friends, Cambodian refugee friends, old colleagues, family friends, family, teens, mentors, mentees… you get the idea.
So to combat my frustration I went on a communication flurry this past weekend. I left phone messages, sent texts, and started creating elaborate e-mails in my mind. I bought a few cards and put them in the mail. But I didn’t actually get to connect with anyone over the phone. We didn’t make it to dinner with friends on Friday or Saturday. I felt like a failure… but I also just felt tired.
Relationships require effort. And I think I often choose easy rather than effort.
And now I sit with a blinking cursor trying to come up with a way to encourage you to love your friends, families, and neighbors. But how do I talk about something when I fail miserably at that very something myself?
After the giant list of names in my journal I made a box on the page and wrote two sentences.
HELP ME, LORD.
HELP.
I don’t really have much to offer from my side of things. My own wisdom is pretty futile. My side of a conversation is usually selfish. My best efforts fall short of the example set for me. My strength isn’t enough.
But if I do things out of His strength… if I seek to love out of the love that first loved me, and I speak the truth in love, and I pray earnestly, and ask questions, and just care… it’s a start.
I have to remember that just because I fail at something today doesn’t mean I can’t improve tomorrow. Hopefully this wake-up call will serve to re-energize my love for others – those I know and those I haven’t yet met.
“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” - Ephesians 5:1-2 (MSG)
I want to love like that.
Still Learning,
Ginger
“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.“ John 13:35, MSG
“God’s definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love.”
-Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God“We need to stop plotting the course and instead just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the “do” part of faith. That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.”
-Bob Goff, Love Does
This week we are exploring love in our communities, friendships, relationships, and families. It’s sometimes easy for me to confuse reading and writing about love with actually loving others. I desperately need that reminder every day. Love is active. What about you?
Following and learning,
Ginger
When I stumbled across this website last weekend I asked outloud in at my kitchen table: “Why haven’t I EVER heard of this before?” My husband looked up from his computer and proceeded to ask, “Are you talking to me?”
Lies Young Women Believe is full of great posts on tons of different topics. Forget just young women, how about lies all women are prone to believe? I spent the better part of my Saturday afternoon reading through tons of quality blog posts. I love that the posts are short & sweet, direct, and full of Scripture.
If you are looking for advice or wisdom regarding faith, guys, relationships, the future and more – make sure you check this resource out… like right now. CLICK.
Happy Friday!
Ginger
This week we are combatting some fears with truth, gusto, and some honesty.
Long story short: sometimes I think it makes me seem really brave and super spiritual if I can do life without the help or support of anyone else. And I can… for a while. But eventually I realize that I’m lonely, fearful, and not growing in the ways I should be. It’s way easier for me to feel super spiritual by myself. Add someone else to the equation and my selfishness quickly asserts itself. Uggh.
We weren’t created to fly solo. We were made for community.
So today I wanted to share a favorite Retro Thursday Tip via video and remind us all how we can cultivate a growing community by setting up a network. Want to hear more? Press play.
Community is hard, but I think it’s worth it.
“Considering what Adam went through to appreciate Eve to the utmost, I wondered how beautiful it is that you and I were created to need each other. The romantic need is just the beginning, because we need our families and we need our friends. In this way, we are made in God’s image. Certainly God does not need people in the way you and I do, but He feels a joy at being loved, and He feels a joy at delivering love. It is a stinking thought to realize that, in paradise, a human is incomplete without a host of other people. We are relational indeed. And the Bible, with all its understanding of the relational needs of humans, was becoming more meaningful to me as I turned the pages. God made me, He knows me, He understands me, and He wants community.”
-Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What
_ _ _
Community: do you want to run after it or away from it? Why?
Learning and Following,
Ginger
Dear Ginger,
My best friend has been pushing me away a lot recently. I have asked her if I did anything to make her not want to be friends anymore, but she says nothing has happened. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I don’t know what to do. Any advice? -A
A – I am so sorry that your friendship seems to be filled with unknown conflict. That’s such an uncomfortable feeling. I think the hardest part about relationships is that we only get to control half of the behavior in them. I often think how much less conflict I would have in my life if I could just choose how my friends or family members act! But you don’t get to choose how your friend acts or behaves, you only get to choose your response. I think that can be both freeing and very frustrating at the same time.
I know from experience.
One of my best girlfriends and I went from hanging out every day to barely speaking in a matter of just a few months. There wasn’t a fight. One of us wasn’t jealous of the other. We just stopped hanging out and I didn’t really know why. I kept asking if I had done something wrong. My friend always shrugged it off and acted like our friendship wasn’t really that different. It felt like every time I tried to talk about the distance in our friendship, she just pushed me away even further. I felt hurt and confused. I cried to my mom about it a few times. But eventually I just decided that maybe she needed time. So I stopped checking in every day.
What I didn’t know was that she was going through some really tough stuff with her family. She felt uncomfortable sharing about her home life so she just started shutting people out. Because I asked so many questions she felt like she was lying to me all the time, and she didn’t want to do that. Rather than sharing her hurt, she tried to protect her heart by putting up guards.
I’m happy to say that my friend and I eventually rebuilt our relationship. I am so thankful that she’s in my life. But that season of distance is now a part of our journey as friends. We both wish it could have been different, but all we can do is work toward continuing to build the friendship we have now.
I say all this to let you know that I hear what you are saying and I’ve felt that sort of confusion and pain over a friendship. That season of struggles taught me a few things that I wish I would have known so many years ago.
Give her time. My friend needed to know I was for her, that I would support her, and that I would be there for her whenever she was ready. Instead she felt pressured, frustrated, and like she was being forced into a corner. Patience can bring peace to a tense situation. See Proverbs 15:18…
“A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18, NIV
Be careful about hanging your happiness on a friendship or relationship. Of course it’s sad to see any relationship change, but we have to know that some friendships are seasonal. This situation may or may not be resolved the way you are hoping. Will you still be able to find joy in the life God has given you even if this friendship doesn’t look the way it always has? Placing our ultimate expectations on anyone but God can lead to some major disappointment and heartache.
“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” Psalm 62:5, KJV
Pray for your friendship. It’s very possible that your friend is going through something that she can’t share. Pray that God would give you the words to say at just the right time. Pray that God would show you if you’ve been in error in some way. Pray that God would restore your friendship. And then ask that He would give you the strength to trust Him no matter what happens.
“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10, ESV
A- I’m praying for you and your friend. Hang in there.
Following,
Ginger
Isn’t it tempting to think everyone else has it all figured out? I know that I fall into thought patterns where I assume that I’m the only one who struggles. I’ve been a believer for long enough. I have lived in church all my life. And yet, I sometimes worry that I’m the only one who’s thinking: “I don’t know how to do this… pray, fast, be spiritual, choose which way to go. I should be better than this!”
“Spirituality is anything but a straight line, it is a mixed-up, topsy-turvy, helter-skelter godliness that turns our lives into an upside-down toboggan ride full of unexpected turns, surprise bumps, and bone-shattering crashes. In other words, messy spirituality is the delirious consequence of a life ruined by a Jesus who will love us right into his arms.” -Michael Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality
Amen to that. I feel like I’m in a life-long journey of admitting my mess. I spent a large portion of my life being terrified that someone would figure out just how much of a mess I was. But I suppose the first step is admittance.
Hi, my name is Ginger and I am a spiritual mess. My time in the word is sporadic, my prayers distracted, and my heart selfish.
“I want to be a good person. I don’t want to fail. I want to learn from my mistakes, rid myself of distractions and run into the arms of Jesus. Most of the time, however, I feel like I am running away from Jesus into the arms of my own clutteredness.
I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now the only consistency in my life is my inconsistency. Who I want to be and who I am are not very close together. I am not doing well at the living-a-consistent-life thing…” -Michael Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality
Thank God for grace that covers my fears… and mess.
- – - -
Can you identify with the fear that everyone else has faith all figured out?
Following and learning,
Ginger
“The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is ‘Do not fear.’ It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life… the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.”
–Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
It seems as if facing fear continues to be a theme around here. I’m slowly learning to recognize and face my own worries and anxieties. Friends are asking for prayer about things they fear most. And the “Dear Ginger” questions keep pouring in with repeated similarities: I’m afraid… I’m so scared… I’m worried… I can’t sleep… I’m terrified…
“The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is ’Do not fear.’ It’s in there over two hundred times.”
Questions:
1. What are your greatest fears?
2. How often is fear the greatest influence in your choices?
Facing fear to live a better story,
Ginger
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