Dear Kamille.

two week series on learning from the past and looking to the future…

Dear 18-year-old Kamille,

Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

I know you have prided yourself on being a bit of an outsider, taking stock in the “I don’t care what the preppy girls think” mantra.  You wear two coats.

One is lightweight & only a couple people get to see.  It’s that idealistic, dreamer side that is a hopeless romantic wanting to be swept off her feet coat.  You never feel burdened wearing it, that is, when you feel safe.  This is the coat Jesus gave you as a young girl.  He warmed your heart & you knew it was good.  He spoke often of his love for you & you believed it wholeheartedly.  He delighted in you as you twirled and sang with such boldness & joy.  No place could ever feel or be as safe as there.  He named you his daughter, his beloved little girl.  This coat is always comfortable & never, ever grows old or tattered.  It’s infinite.

Then, there’s this other coat, which is heavy & dark.  It prevents you from sharing your true heart.  Instead of the bold, joyful dancing & singing, there is a faint murmur of hidden potential.  But, this cloth prevents you from sharing that gift.  It’s out of fear.  Fear of being hurt, being judged, & simply being known for what you love (and maybe others don’t love it).  It guards your heart.  It covers your ears from hearing those words, “you are my daughter, my little girl…I delight in you.”  This coat is always burdensome, and never, ever feels comfortable.  It’s infinite…only if you let it.

Because you see Kamille, you are a daughter of the Most High God. When you sit in your one bedroom house mourning the loss of family, with your brother turning to alcohol to ease the pain, you’ve never been alone.  When you see other people enjoying their freshman year of college, you keep wondering how life could get any worse?  And your story to date does speak of misery.

Your second day of college alone felt like a nightmare with your dad being in the hospital on his way to jail & the owner of the house announcing you & your brothers needed to be out in 24 hours.  An eviction notice.

Your heart felt like it stopped & your lungs began to collapse.  Four months later, there you sit on your bed wondering how you can keep going on?  How you longed for someone to love you & take care of you.  Oh honey, I wish I could wrap you up in my arms, make you some cookies & give you a bed under my home.  Because, all along, deep inside, all you want is ‘wholeness.’

A home that is safe.  A family unbroken.  A warmth of protection, which seems so foreign. You fear that maybe your future will always be shattered & empty.  But, Kamille, cling to the hope you saw when you were a little girl.  You were free in that lightweight coat dancing with your Papa God, because his delight is in you.  Remember, “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you;…rejoice over you with singing.”

He turns deserts into gardens, ashes into beauty, and he redeems the most unlikely of stories.

Nothing will be able to fill that void you long for, not a boy, not your dad out of jail, not your parents together.  You were made with a Jesus shaped hole in your heart & only he can fill it. Run to him, listen to him, allow him to woo you back.  His words are safe, true & good.  His love is unbroken & never failing. You are a daughter of the Most High King!

-Kamille

Kamille Scellick is a daughter of the Most High God.  She’s married to her stellar best friend & husband, Ben and mothers two beautiful girls.  She lives in the Pacific NW & doesn’t mind the rain (all the more reason to enjoy coffee).  She writes at Redeeming the Table, where she believes in sharing stories, hospitality & food with friend & stranger.  She says, “there are so many voices in our world telling us to lose hope; but, when we cling to Jesus & his story of redemption, we come out on the other end with a “redeemed” story we get to share.  This is part of mine.”